Pebbles

I’m not very good at asking for help. I guess it’s because I don’t really trust people enough to allow myself to be vulnerable around them. It may also be because I’m good at handling big problems and coming out on the other side, but the little things really get me. I guess you could say I feel like my problems are too small to share.

But there’s this saying about pebbles “Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.” I guess I’m at a point in my life where I’ve been focusing on mountains so much (especially other people’s mountains) that I didn’t notice all the pebbles pilling up around me. Now I feel like I have a mountain of my own that is made up of all these pebbles that I should have already conquered. I feel like no one will understand or care about my small hill of pebbles when they’re still dealing with their own mountains. I guess I’m afraid to be judged or seen as weak when I’ve been pretending to be strong this whole time.

But wouldn’t it be selfish if I did give in to my weakness? Who will be strong for all the people dealing with their mountains? I did learn that love is about giving and not receiving. And growing up is about learning to love.

Ok, so I could sit here and throw a pity party and convince myself of whatever suits me right now. Whatever gives me the greatest comfort. It would make complete sense too, even to others. I realize I’m good at arguments that way. In fact I remember this Prophetess once told me that I never lose an argument. And no, we hadn’t had an argument that I’d won.

The truth is I was not put on this planet for myself. A fruit tree is planted so that it may bear fruit. But it is not fed by its own fruit.  However, before it can bear fruit to feed others it has to feed itself. Unfortunately, if takes too much time procrastinating rather than actually getting the nutrients it needs, it faces the danger of being cut down. (Read John 15). So, I know that I have been called to serve God in Youth Ministry. Unfortunately, I have been procrastinating on my own Spiritual growth and whining for long enough. It’s time for me to get my act together and start bearing real fruit. “…Fruit that will remain”. Time is something that I cannot afford to waste anymore. I need to get focused on the task at hand. I need to make the sacrifices that I’ve been avoiding this whole time and allow Him to use me. It’s time to surrender ALL, pebbles and mountains alike!

I have made declarations like this many times before in my life. I’d like to convince myself that this time is different, that this time I feel more strongly about it. I’d like to tell myself that I’m more driven and I want it more badly than I have ever wanted it before. To be honest, it’s really not that different. I don’t know that I will be able to make it through this time around. I can’t promise that I will never let the pebbles pile up again, that it will be uphill from here. It’s possible that I will fail. In fact, it is very likely.

Here’s the second part of the pebbles saying; “Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.” You know, I will go ahead and say this time is different. But not for any of the reasons I mentioned. The reason this time is different is because I will change my strategy. Before, I always wanted to try short cuts and handle a mountain all at once. This time, I’ll take it step by step, pebble by pebble. I’ll finish one mountain and move on to the next one.

Romans 12 Verses 1 and 2 says: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” The “Renewing of your mind” signifies a continuous process (without any definite end).

I’ll check back next week and let you know what progress I have made. And I’ll try to ask for help when I need it. The best part is I know that I can do ALL things through Christ. (Philippians 4:13). Thank you for reading and for all your wonderful comments on my previous posts. I pray that you find the strength to get through your mountains this week.

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